Just a Memo
We all know how much easier it is to find fault and complain rather than to look for the positive side of things. In a long career of working in geriatrics, I have worked with people in rehabilitation who were learning to be more independent after a stroke, an amputation, joint replacement, spinal cord injury…you name it. It amazes me how hard they worked and even though they were in pain, or anxious or wondering if they could return to their home instead of nursing home placement…they always, always could be heard sympathizing with the person next to them. I heard a burn patient who was horribly disfigured, with fingers burned away, blind, and unable to move without help…I heard him express sympathy for the quadriplegic next to him. I have heard quadriplegic patients express concern and worry for a senior citizen trying to learn to speak after a stroke. I have heard stroke patients grieve for the spinal cord injured patient who would never walk again, or father children, or dress himself. They were expressing gratitude for their blessings and each one of them said, “I am so lucky to not have his problems.”
In all areas of life, including assisted living, we can always look for reasons to complain and find fault, and reinforce our own negative beliefs about ourselves, other people, and the world in general. For example, if you basically think people are no good, and out to get you, that is what you will always think, believe and see.
In assisted living, I have noticed that for some people complaining sometimes seems to be a favorite pastime. If it isn’t the food, it might be the temperature. If it isn’t the temperature, it might be the staff. It might be the staff, or the napkins, or the laundry. We always try to respond to legitimate issues or complaints, and fix the problem. My point is only to say that automatic negative assumptions can be refuted, or they can be spread like a virus, infecting other residents and affecting community morale.
The experts say that if an individual consciously identifies “Five Gratitudes” every single day, negative moods and depression can be thwarted. In other words, you can actually choose your mental outlook and mood. Our resident Harry Painter is a good example. He looks for positives, and lo and behold, he finds them. He chooses to find the half full glass and not the half empty.
I want to recognize some other positives that happen here every day. I can’t list them all, but here are a few:
Arlene Abbot’s daughter brings joy to our downstairs residents. She brings her friends, her crafts, fancy lotions and bath gel, decorations and tons and tons and tons of love. She sees each resident’s most loveable qualities, and is a team member with our staff.
Jimmy Tiller has brought plants from his yard for our courtyard.
Julia Humphries bought the cutest Betty Boop PJ’s for a memory care resident, using her own money.
Devita Freeman found $300.00 in a resident room and returned it, so the family could take it for safekeeping.
Cece made special desserts and dishes for the Halloween party.
Tim Sexton helps out with any caregiver who is getting overwhelmed or behind. He has bought special treats and gifts to residents, taken them out for rides, and as you know, he is the one who takes the ROMEOS out to lunch. He responds as quickly as he can to resident requests and goes the extra mile.
Laura O’Connell has brought her baby goats and her rabbits to visit.
Melissa and CeCe took a roadside breakdown on the way back from shopping in Georgia and made it into an adventure. As you may have heard, on the return trip from Hamricks, the wheelchair lift jammed and it was impossible to drive the bus. Melissa called me, I went on the Internet and found a mechanic in Oglethorpe, Georgia, and within a half hour they were on their way back. The great part of this is that they broke down near a winery, went in to get cheese and crackers, and snacked till the repairs were done. Then, to reward themselves, they stopped for milkshakes. I waited here and worried that I would get blasted with gripes, but our girls are troopers. Everyone arrived in good spirits, no complaints, just chattering about their adventure. They took it all in stride, and they bragged on Melissa and CeCe. Eloise Smith was tired, but laughing her great laugh. Nancy Gossage was pooped but in such great spirits. Connie Obodzinski was relieved to get here, but triumphant with her purchases. Charlotte Shultz was ready for bedtime, but glad to get home with her loot. It just goes to show, you do have control over your response to any situation. If we could just hear ourselves whining and accusing, and instead take a minute to give thanks, we could rejoice and savor every day.
I want to wish everyone a lovely Thanksgiving, and to express my thanks to everyone here at River Oaks Place. I am in love with this place, the residents, and all of our staff and caregivers. Even on the most challenging of days, it is an honor, a gift, and a joy to be here. I am thankful every day for the lessons, the blessings, and the fulfillment of being a part of it.
Barbara
