Talking about moving a parent to assisted living is never an easy conversation to have with the parent themselves or other family members. If they are no longer able care for their house or apartment, unable to prepare meals or manage their medications correctly, that is when the discussion must take place. The conversation may be unpleasant and divisive for the family or a welcome relief for all involved. Here are 7 ways to talk about assisted living with your loved ones.
- Start Early
The general “what if?” conversations should start before a fall or illness make them urgent. The topic will be uncomfortable for both parent and children at first, but if the topic has been broached previously it will go smoother when the time comes. When a decision must be made due to an urgent situation or just a slow decline in their ability to fend for themselves, previous discussions smooth the way. - Get Prepared
If your family is just pondering it, or it is time to make a decision about assisted living, ask around. Friends and co-workers of your age group are undoubtedly going through the same issues as you are facing. Do they have any referrals, tips, recommendations or cautions? Stop by those facilities and ones you’ve seen to pick up information about the facility itself – amenities, activities, pricing and care. When you’re prepared for the discussion, it goes easier. - A United Front
There will be members of the family that will be resistant to the idea that their parent may no longer be able to care for themselves. If you are the primary caregiver, call a family meeting without the parent to present your case. As with the parent, starting the conversation earlier rather than in a crisis is the best way to handle this delicate issue. Make a pact that all discussions that are not in agreement should take place away from the parent. When it comes time to talk to your loved one, if all siblings are on the same page, it makes for a more pleasant conversation. - Be Sensitive
Some parents are relived to make the move to assisted living. They are ready to give up some of the everyday responsibilities of caring for their home and look forward to the social aspects of their new community and assistance in caring for themselves. And some are resistant – very resistant. Be sensitive to their feelings either way. This is a huge life changing event for them. Even if it is welcomed, change is difficult. Don’t be too quick to take over the leadership role. Be sure to involve them in as many discussions as you can to ensure a better transition. - Communicate Effectively
Elders are at the time in their lives when details may slip - or not. Either way, be cognizant of how your parent functions, remembers and learns new things. Give them information accordingly. Some still have very sharp memories and you won’t have to tell them twice. And some will need to have a list of ideas, to-do’s and questions to make the shift more comfortable. - Patience, Patience
As you care for an elderly parent, patience is the first lesson you’ll learn. Be gentle with them as they make the transition from living independently to assisted living. Many things are affected during this time: independence, mobility, sadness at leaving their home, trepidation about new surroundings, new neighbors and much more. Although you will be tested, just be patient. - R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Although your roles have reversed and you are now becoming more and more responsible for your parents, they are still entitled to your respect. They have lived a long time, learned so much and made many sacrifices raising you and your siblings. Reassure them that you will do your best to respect their wishes and ensure their well being as they did yours as you were growing up.
Talking about assisted living with your loved ones can be an easier conversation when you employ these seven steps. Have questions about Assisted Living communities in Tennessee or Georgia? Contact Senior Solutions.
Do you have other tips or ways you've talked about assisted living with your loved ones?
